Nevermind Bezos. What would you do?

It must be a pain to be a billionaire. You’re too rich and too smart for your own good, and really — what do you do once you’ve cashed in? Running for politics would be like walking backwards compared to starting and building a digital empire. There’s charity work ala Warren Buffet and Bill Gates, but once you fund and start a foundation, what then? The last thing professional do-gooders need or want is a hyped-up billionaire entrepreneur sticking his or her nose into their work.

It’s no wonder such digital luminaries as Jeff Bezos are getting creative in their pursuits. Bezos was recently in the news for his efforts to rescue some NASA refuse from the bottom of the ocean. Not sure why anyone would really care about old, failed rockets from the 60s. I suppose it’s like rescuing that first and horrible set of wireframes that the agency tried to pass off as “edgy thinking.” Sure, there’s some sentimental value, but really — pulling those engines out of the murky past is hardly a priority compared to, say, helping to clean up all the space junk that’s floating above us. Then again, who am I to tell The King of Amazon what he should do? If he wants to build a giant clock somewhere — God bless him.

On the other hand, if you’re clever enough to grab billions of bills, it could be said that you owe something to the community-at-large, especially when the community is buying your crap every second or so. Whatever — suckers. If it’s your money to spend, spend it on the the things that move you, like piloting a submarine to the bottom of the Mariana Trench.

What about you? Aside from the obvious “disappear in Las Vegas for 2 years,” “quit work,” and “start a business,” What else would you do if you had, say, $20 billion dollars? Here’s a few of mine:

1. Buy the Dodgers, move them to Brooklyn and then sell them back to the McCourts. Just because the McCourts are entertaining and I’m an Angels fan.

2. Get Kony. Because the video of his capture might actually blow up YouTube.

3. Buy that poor teenage girl a new laptop and get her Dad an anger management class. And some media training.

4. Save Hostess. The world is a better place with Ding Dongs and Twinkees, so I would give them a cool B to pay off their creditors. Okay, not really. But I do want to know if Twinkees are forever.

5. Sleep in.

6. Come up with a way to make cars fun to drive, clean burning and inexpensive to own.

7. Start my own cable network. Um, then again – maybe not.

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