Goings and Comings

11/15/08
What am I doing, going here? I ask myself that question almost daily. In a strange place, dealing with my separation from family and friends.

 

Why? There are a million reasons I could cite. Suffice it to say, the world is changing and so must I. From where I am to what I’m doing, golly – it’s an odd time. I took this adventure on and asked my family to join me. They’re here in my heart, as I am in theirs. One day soon there will come a time when we will be together again, and I will have my life back, the way I want my life to be. I don’t know when. I don’t even know how.

Here’s what I know – the road is long, and the way is rarely clear. In about an hour or so I will once again open the door to a new life disguised as a dinky little apartment. I will turn on my dinky little TV to see what’s happening in the world and try to find a place that reminds me of home, yet not too much.

And guess what…it’s starting to feel like home.
But so what. So what to the melodrama and all the crazy introspection. It’s a process, a path that must be walked to achieve a degree in manhood. Stand up, take a chance and be happy about it. Yes, life will never be the same, but it will be better. It will never be the same – but it will also be very much the same. Not everyone does it, not everyone has courage to dare to step outside of their comfort zone and go somewhere else, learn to be something else. To turn and walk down a new path – to take life and shake it up – that’s what this is all about.

I miss my family. I miss my house, and my dog, and the comfort of knowing that they’re right there, within reach, all the time. They are gone now – I am gone now – and all I have to cling to is an unflappable belief in myself, what I am doing and why I need to continue down this path. It’s here that a new adventure awaits. I am ready for it, though my heart is heavy and my spirit soggy. I know what I must do to make a better life for myself and my family, and that is, ultimately, the reason I am here – to make a life out of a living. How I do that is up to me. Today, I am at a starting point. Tomorrow, I take the next step toward the next new adventure. We may not know when tomorrow comes, but we know that it will come, as all tomorrows do – quietly and silently, from night to day without clanging pan or gunshots in the air.

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