I’m a Big Fat Loser Baby

The other day I read an infographic on Facebook. And I cried. I’m not ashamed to admit it, either, or the fact that the evil little illustration (it’s below) confirmed that I’m a big fat loser. And that I probably should be in jail — except for the fact that I lack the verve to do something audacious enough to piss off the police.

According to this, I’m a mess of vanilla yogurt. I don’t exude joy. In fact I probably frighten joy a little. I say I keep a journal — but I don’t, really. I talk about other people to my wife, I’m concerned about how much money I make and I want to get credit for the work I do. Don’t get me wrong: I get the whole service to other people thing. I try my best to live my life in service of others, hoping that the work I do benefits their lives and helps to spur them onto greater things. My needs are pretty simple: a pot to, well, you know. A place to sleep. And a good pair of running shoes.

In other words, I’m just like everyone else.

We regular people don’t live in the happy land of sunrise sayings and motivational moments. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just that this constant barrage of positive lecturing, of telling me how I should be if I want to be a WINNER and what kind of philosophy I should take with me into each day…it’s a bit sickening. Here’s an example:

“What you do today not yesterday is what will determine how you live your life tomorrow.”

It’s funny how when you take the fancy sunset photo out of the meme it sort of loses it’s magic. This one is just plain stupid. So if I lay on my butt all day, then does that mean that I have to do more work tomorrow? Maybe I just don’t understand. And here’s another one: “Ten Ways to Love.” Really? We don’t really need a meme to tell us to listen, and to stop complaining.

I suppose I am complaining. And I am a bit of a crank, true, but the endless stream of overly positive affirmations on the Internet makes me depressed and gives me an urge to eat twinkles. Life is not that simple. And if all you do is get out of bed and do your level best to be your best, well — that ought to be enough to put a smile on your face and give you a grand sense of accomplishment. With a sunset photo, too.


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