Ford Escape Limited

The 2008 Ford Escape is ideally designed for all members of the family. Even babies get to enjoy the benefits built into this vehicle. Take falling asleep: Why, in the Escape, it’s easy thanks to the alluring sing-song coming up from the tires. It’s especially prevalent when you drive on the freeway, so much so that the family will call it “Escape to Sleepy Time.” Older kids also get to enjoy the Escape, especially when the road bends: there’s enough body roll to thrill even the most hard core roller coaster freak in the family. Granny’s not left out, either. Like her, the Escape creaks, clicks, vibrates and makes noise when it doesn’t want to. When you push a button, you don’t just get that fake, engineered “click” that most car companies deliver. No sir. You also get to hear the solenoid click on and off.

Dad will also like the Escape, despite the fact that it drives like a bathtub boat, accelerates like an old circus pony and handles like a drunk. He’ll appreciate the amount of cargo room in back, and enjoy the V-6 once he gets up to speed. Trouble is, he’ll grind his teeth getting there and blanch at the noise of the engine. But those are small things, compared to what he’ll like most: the wind noise inside the cabin combined with the radio, drowns out the incessant carping from his old lady. She’s the only person in the family who doesn’t like the Escape, of course. But then she doesn’t like anything. Keeps screeching about the price – over $30,000 when optioned up to the nines – though of course she doesn’t realize that the sticker price is not the REAL price. There’s always rebates, cash on the hood to help with the pain of an interior that’s full of hard plastic and uncomfortable front seats that lack leg support. On and on she goes, whining about how though the driver’s seat is an eight-way power unit, the passenger side offers no power and neither chair has power recline or adjustable lumbar. The seats do have heat – which she admits is nice – but doesn’t really care too much about the excellent nav system, or the cool and functional green hue of the gauges at night. In fact, no matter how many good things the family points out, she just doesn’t see the value of the Ford Escape, and wishes they only sold the Ford Edge. Or the Taurus X.

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